A Very Sexy Beginner’s Guide to BDSM Words

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Kinks and fetishes can feel taboo no matter how much sex positivity exists online. Secretly scouring the internet for a list of kinks to try with your partner can often feel subversive and, frankly, a little uncomfortable. But the thing is, sex is entirely subjective and people often are curious to try things that they think they might enjoy, so there’s no shame in familiarizing yourself with what’s out there.

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I hope I’m not patronising here, I’m so used to doing my thing I don’t really stop to think how other people go about their dirty talk. So, if you’re looking to up your sexy talk game in the bedroom, here are several men (and one woman) talking about what men REALLY want to hear when you’re talking dirty to your man. If you’ve ever asked yourself those questions, fortunately, you’re not alone. People often go to the r/sex forum on Reddit when they need sexy relationship advice, even when it comes to figuring out the mechanics of how to talk dirty to your man. No matter how private your moments are during masturbation, whatever the fantasy you can vocalize to yourself. Start with whispers and the non-words that were just suggested.

Submission can be taken back at any time

Another one that’s pretty much what it sounds like, wax play involves dripping hot candle wax onto a sexual partner. While it’s often part of BDSM play (and is sometimes considered a form of edge play) it isn’t always. “Hot wax can be a frightening and high-sensation element in play, and BDSM often eroticizes that kind of experience,” Queen previously told Cosmopolitan. If you’re into the thought of someone watching you masturbate or change or get it on, this one’s for you. Both partners must consent to dominant-submissive roleplay; this makes BDSM entirely different from sexual assault.

Get comfortable with your dominance

Psst, if you are nervous about domming, check out our guide on how to be dominant in the bedroom during sex. Similarly, a dominant may come to trust their submissive to handle daily or routine activities without intense oversight. That means you don’t have to think of quite so many things to say to your sub. The dominant things you say depend entirely on your relationship.

It’s also a great way to show him what you like in bed and to train him to do those things on command! Just because you’re a woman doesn’t mean you have to be submissive, and you can learn a lot about yourself by exploring your dominant side too, as I explain in this guide. Even if you enjoy being a submissive, you may still run into intense feelings or find that your scenes trigger past traumas. Both of those things are normal, and if your relationship is healthy, you should be able to work through them to truly enjoy how erotic and freeing BDSM can be. Remember that just because you are the submissive or bottom doesn’t mean you lack control. You should discuss with your partner what will happen before the fact if you’re planning a serious BDSM scene rather than just sprinkling in a few elements into your regular sexual routine.

• Sensual domination – Sensual domination is all about arousing your partner’s senses and can be pretty gentle.
• I was unapologetically candid with my words during sex, and in most cases, the men I found myself with were just as vocal as I was.
• Brat taming – Brats tamers, on the other hand, have to be stern enough to show their brats who’s boss but not so extreme that they’ll hurt feelings.
• The dominant things you say depend entirely on your relationship.
• No guide can tell you exactly how to communicate boundaries or desires without taking into consideration your own style.

Introducing it at this point will rocket the tension and anticipation sky high, and cruise at altitude for the rest of the session. The excitement you had from the first handful of times you had sex will often rush back in and rekindle your passionate fires. Most men (and women) don’t go to strip clubs because they’re some kind of dysfunctional pervert. It’s because – in that place – they are given permission to experience the part of their sexual nature that yearns to feel this energy, and play with pleasure. This first starts with knowing yourself and practising checking in with what boundaries you might want to express. After some reflection you may find that some activities, words or role play are always off limits for you.

ALL genders can potentially have more pleasure and orgasms. This is a phrase you can reserve for special occasions, when you’re TRULY into it, TRULY in the sub headspace, and have TRULY dissolved into your rebellious sub character. You can overcome these barriers by recognizing and challenging societal taboos, building your confidence gradually, and creating a safe and non-judgmental space with your partner.

In fact, the opposite may very well be true, and your relationship should be equal outside of the scene [15]. No matter how experienced you are, we recommend progressing slower than you think necessary and starting any impact play lighter than light. You should check in regularly with one another to make sure it’s going okay [3]. A potential abuser or unsafe partner may not let you state your limits or needs, perhaps arguing that you’re not submitting enough when you do so.